ashley marie

I dont even know what to say

So i am just gonna say it, my marriage is failing. Its been bad since december. I have been hurting and been in depression. I never thought things would get this bad, but i realized i had enough of being treated bad. I am not perfect but i do know what i should and shouldnt put up with. I thought everything was done between me and Gaven like a month ago, i thought there was no hope, then he calls me when he is on R&R in Hawaii and tells me how deeply sorry he is, and how he wants us to work out and how much he loves me and thinks of me, he totally had my hopes up, i thought things were going to maybe possibly get better, even though ive been in depression i thought maybe actually seeing him in person would help things get better. I spent some time with my mom for a few days and been praying about seeing gaven and then decided i was going to fly out of San Diego to Hawaii yesterday to see him. I got to the airport around 4, checked in, and waited at my gate until about 6 when my flight was supposed to leave, i looked up at the computer above the front desk and noticed the words honolulu werent up there anymore. So i walked up to the desk and asked the lady what happened to the 6 o clock flight to honolulu and she told me the gate had changed and i needed to go to the other gate, so i started running to the next gate finally get there and i had missed my fucking flight. You dont even understand the pain that went thru my body, the heartbreak and horrible pit in my stomach, when i had asked what were my options and if i could get on the next flight she took a look at my intinerary and told me my flight was not changeable and i would have to pay the difference of the flight which would be between $379-$538 WHO THE FUCK PAYS THAT MUCH FOR A FLIGHT CHANGE!? i was beyond hysterical i was so confused. Here i had been praying about my marriage to God, praying things would come into focus and then i cant even see Gaven! I sat in the airport bathroom for 2 hours crying my heart out, ive come to the realization that i obviously wasnt meant to see gaven. i dont know if we are going to get better or if we are going to separate. My heart aches so bad. I am hurting every minute of the day. I know Gaven doesnt treat me right but he sounded so sincere when he promised he would change, i thought things might get better. He wrote me a message and told me dont ever talk to him again since i didnt show up in hawaii. i cried all morning. He said he is done. I guess this is the way my life is supposed to end. I never would have though Gaven and i would separate. He deleted me off his facebook and put separated. that broke my heart. I never been in so much pain. It feels unbearable. I feel like dying.

Why me

why ?

i dont get it. its just the worst thing to go thru…i wait for nothing

nothing is worth it

LMFAO

My cousins were talkin how they island girls and the guys were sayin “i like island girls who dont weigh more den me” hahahaha stupiddddd

BREATHE

I feel like i cant relax. I am going thru a SHITLOAD right now. I panic about everything. I am pissed, sad, angry, upset, heartbroken and depressed. Seriously i just wanna say FUCK it and just be done with everything in my life i wish it just doesnt hurt so much! i rather get mobbed than deal with his heartbreak crap.

But yea i really do needa relax. I am stressed out. I made a lot of changes in my life and i should be happy but it hurts reminiscing the past. Also bills are taking me over the edge. SOOOOO many fricken bills it stresses me out! ugh.

never trust your inlaws

kysenbu:

sappy sappy sappy. they will always take there childs side even when they no its wrong.